Communication from the Head of School
December 1, 2008Dear St. Anne’s Families:
After what I know was for everyone an extremely difficult and emotional day, I am writing with thanks for the tremendous outpouring of love, empathy and support this community has once again mustered in the face of adversity. So many of our parents, students, staff, and friends hugged, encouraged and consoled each other throughout the day. There were certainly tears, but also some smiles and laughs. For those who were unable to be here, our teachers and coaches did their typical incredible job of allowing the children the appropriate time and space to process their emotions while also providing the comfort of our routines and interactions with each other and the caring adults here at school. We will continue to keep watchful eyes on all our young ones (and older folks), and we will be in regular contact if we see issues of concern here at school. In addition, please communicate with us if you need further support or guidance. We are here to help.
I want to also once again encourage all of us as parents to be careful to separate our adult grief and processing needs from those of our children. Children tend to compartmentalize their emotions and sorrow much more effectively than adults, yet it is often difficult for us as parents to see and support those differences. In asking Dr. Katie Mattei, a grief counseling specialist from Children’s Hospital, for insights or advice, she recommends the following:
“During times of extreme grief, parents will often try to protect their children from painful feelings. Children need to feel these feelings- because if they do not feel them now - they will feel them later - and often in times that are less supportive. The difference for parents is that parents need to "filter" their own feelings during these times. By that, it means that kids will grieve the loss of the moment, their friend, classmate, neighbor etc. They do not initially grieve the bigger parent fears -such as, "how to I tell my child the world is a safe place?" or "this shouldn't happen to anyone" or "I don't know if I will ever recover from this". While these are real feelings, they are not a child's first thoughts and need to be kept separate. We need to not project our anxieties or degree of sorrow onto our children. That having been said, make sure you have other adult friends to talk with about these worries. Reassure your child that you have resources to help get them through this - your values, your beliefs and your support systems.”
In other words, kids do not grieve like adults, and they are often in some ways much more resilient. Allowing them to have that freedom from more frequent or intense sorrow by trying to shield them to some extent from our own adult worries, sadness or grief is a gift we can give them in the healing process. All that said, if your child is exhibiting strong, regular, ongoing issues, please contact the school for additional resources and guidance.
I also want to pass along an update regarding memorial services for the Lofgren family. Below is a message from their relatives regarding services this Friday, December 5, 2008. In order to allow interested students, families, faculty, and staff to attend these services, regular school will be closed this Friday, December 5, 2008. We will still offer Extended Day services from 8:00 a.m. until 4:00 p.m. this Friday only. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause your family, but trust you will understand the community needs in this matter.
Lofgren Family
The families of Caroline Feuerbach Lofgren, Parker Lofgren, Sophie Lofgren and Owen Lofgren announce that funeral services will be held at 10:00 AM on Friday, December 5, 2008 at Good Shepherd Catholic Church, 2626 E. 7th Avenue Parkway, Denver, CO 80206. Additionally, a gathering will be held at the St. Anne’s Episcopal gym on Thursday, December 4, 2008 from 4:30 p.m. until 8:30 p.m. All are welcome. The family requests that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to the Summer Scholars Program, Girls Inc. of Denver, Owen and Sophie Lofgren Memorial Fund at St. Anne’s Episcopal School or Young Americans Bank.
A spokesperson for the family has requested that anyone wishing to share Lofgren family or friendship stories send them via email to Lofgrens@uwbank.com. Additionally, if anyone has photographs of the family they wish to share, please send them to Staunton@mbhenterprisesinc.com; please mention Lofgren family in the subject line.
We have posted this information on our website as well under “The Lofgren Family Memorial Page”. This will continue to be a place to look for most recent information, messages, and resources. Please check it on a regular basis.
Finally, thank you all for your faith in us and entrusting your children to our care, as well as your continued support of each other and our community in so many varied ways. With courage, hope, and togetherness, we will help each other through these difficult times. It remains my honor to be a part of this exceptional school.
Fondly,
Alan Smiley
Head of School
St. Anne's Episcopal School
303-756-9481 ext. 212